𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 AF (𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝑪𝒂𝒍𝒊 ) Part Two

Part Two

It started off small

Little things.

Energy shifts I tried to ignore.

A comment here, an attitude there…

But have you ever tried to talk yourself out of your own intuition? Yeah… that part.

Talking myself out of what I felt has always been my thing … especially when I don’t want to accept the truth about somebody I love.

So let me break it down when it started to go left….

Because when I stepped off that one-way flight to Cali, I thought everything was going to be oh-so right.

I guess the little signs that turned into big ones started during an event at our apartment. My best friend had some of his people over. He was part of this ballroom group … I forget the name … but one of the guys had a low cut with his beard dyed blonde. Another was a photographer….

The very next week, y’all…

My friend dyed his beard blonde and pulled out this camera he had one he didn’t even know how to use … and told me he wanted to get into photography….

Now y’all might be thinking, “Okay, and?” But no.

It was giving copycat energy … and I noted that.

And when that same behavior started happening toward me, I was like… hmm.

My friend was someone who usually dressed in dark colors … masculine, laid-back style. But out of nowhere, it started giving, “I wanna dress like my best friend.” I couldn’t explain it, but it felt off.

One time, he FaceTimed his sister to show her an outfit before we headed to an event. She said,

“You look nice did Tay style you?” (I hadn’t.) He replied, “No,” and sucked his teeth.

Noted.

Like… it wasn’t even that deep to get smart, but I laughed it off.

The next day, he hit me with:

“You haven’t worn anything that would make me change the way I dress.”

Mmmkay. Another mental note.

Why get smart unprovoked?

Y’all know I love reworking clothes it’s my thing. I’d be in my room reimagining outfits and just creating….

Out of nowhere, he brings out his own sewing machine and starts trying to rework pieces.

Now mind you, this is someone who moved to Cali to be an actor.

It slowly started giving competition.

Then we were at a party, and I overheard him telling someone,

“I sew. I make clothes.”

In my head …I was like… WTF?

Since when?

After that, the energy shifted even more.

Random attitudes. Controlling behavior. Possessiveness.

Little smart comments that were actually kind of mean.

Tantrums. Jealousy when other people wanted to hang out with me.

Posting me when I looked a hot mess 😒 even after I would tell him to stop

We’d go to the gym together, and he would train me … but if I forgot how a machine worked, he’d snap on me…

Everything had to revolve around him….I swear, it was like living with an energy vampire…

And the crazy part?

It hurt.

Because it felt like he loved me… and hated me at the same time.

And this wasn’t my first friendship that felt like that…

It fucking hurt, man.

So bad.

This was my friend since 7th grade.

Somebody I genuinely loved.

Losing a friend? That wasn’t on my calendar for that year either.

But here’s the thing

the flipside.

He was also so caring.

Protective.

Always cooked for us. Always thoughtful.

We had fun, y’all. Like real fun.

He would do anything for me.

That’s where the love came in.

But that other side?

The shade? The control? The comments?

Yeah… that’s the part you can’t hide for too long.

Eventually, my body started reacting.

I was out of balance, uncomfortable, and on edge…..

It was like my nervous system went into threat mode.

And that’s when it hit me.

There you go, Pop Pop.

Not just showing up in my romantic relationships …. but in my male friendships, too.

My grandfather had a very emotionally abusive side, but he also had a loving one. He’d buy you anything, protect you, show up for you… but his words? The manipulation? The disrespect? The emotional control?

That’s what it was giving with my friend.

I’d vent to one of my homegirls, telling her about the weird stuff that would happen just to make sure I wasn’t crazy.

And she said, “Girl, he does not fucking like you. You need to leave.”

But I kept turning a blind eye.

Because facing that truth? About someone you love? That shit hurts.

Another friend came to stay with me for a few days. Out of nowhere, she said,

“Tay, don’t let nobody dim your light.”

I just looked at her and shook my head.

I already knew.

The last straw?

One of his friends needed a place to stay he was about to be homeless. My friend asked me what I thought, and I told him, “If that’s your friend and you love him, I don’t mind. I don’t wanna see anybody out on the street.”

The guy moved in temporarily.

Nice Asian guy, real sweet, trying to figure things out like the rest of us were trying to do in Cali.

And then, I watched my friend… break him down….

So Controlling. Dismissive.

Mean to him …it was so embarrassing to watch man…I just couldnt believe it…

Like how can you treat somebody like that in a low place?

I told his friend when we were by ourselves “You dont let no grown ass man talk to you like that and disrespect you”

and that’s when my Pop Pop showed up again.

He always had money, and most times, he’d talk to people any kind of way because of it.

And my friend?

Yeah…

We had a talk about finances once, and he shared how much he had saved.

And in that moment, it clicked. I realized that bank account plays a part in why you treat people like you are better than them and talk to them like shit behind closed doors…SMH

This friendship was a mirror sadly….

A reflection of old wounds

And that’s when I finally saw it for what it was….

Damn this shit still hurt yall just from even talking about it……

Part Three loading…