Give the Cookie a Break — Soul Ties Ain’t Worth It (An abstinence journey and how breaking it wasn’t worth it…)
WHEWWWW 🤦🏽♀️
Can y’all believe I’ve only been intimate four times in the last six years? Wow. LOL.
I’m lowkey dying, but… JK JK 😭
So after my last relationship in 2019 the heartbreak I talked about in my previous blog .. I abstained from sex for two whole years. I just couldn’t do it, y’all.
I didn’t even want to kiss a man, look at a man, and damn sure didn’t want to have sex with one.
Now that I know about energy transfer and all that, chile… I probably was being spiritually drained just from the leftover energy of the other women my ex was sleeping with …. and then us sleeping together on top of that? Whew. SMH.
So two years came and went. And then boom… I slipped.
We can call him Mr. Pisces .. -10, would not recommend. LOL JK JK.
He was one of those guys who had been wanting me for a long time. I never really gave him a chance, but eventually I decided to. He invited me to his birthday get-together … which was also our first link-up. It was cool though. I brought my sister with me, it was at an Airbnb in Philly, and we were vibing. He was affectionate… but I felt a little uncomfortable. Probably because I hadn’t been touched by another man in so long since my ex … I just wasn’t used to anyone new feeling on me like that….
Anyway, we linked up again the next night… and one thing led to another. 🙃
“WHY TAY, WHY?!”
That’s all I could think during and after. Because honestly… it was a waste. it wasnt nothing to brag about…
Mentally in the moment, I just wasn’t there. That’s how I knew I wasn’t ready to be back out here at least not sexually.
I felt bad. We were laying there, and I told him, “I don’t want to treat you like a hoe, but I have to leave.”
And then I left. (Me saying that was probably the detached part of me showing up, because I didn’t feel anything after.)
I was just mad at myself for real.
When I left, I called my friend and couldn’t wait to tell her. LOL.
We busted out laughing, and I was like, “Girl, why did I do this sh*t?”
And kept laughing. 😭
Me and him still talked a little after that, but not much. I just wasn’t into him like I thought I was.
And just like that… another two-year bid. Cookie back in solitary.
Then I unlocked it again for Mr. Chocolate… remember him from my previous blog? LOL.
And yeah… another moment where I wasn’t mentally or emotionally present.
I left that situation feeling like, “Why Tay?” once again.
And here I go… another two years without it. Honestly, I probably could’ve gone longer….
Then came the last man. Whewww. Mr. Conscious.
Y’all remember him from the last blog. Right???
He came after another two-year bid for … and I threw away the key. well for a moment.. lol 😩
We were only intimate twice, but it was GOOD.
Like… out of my 31 years, he was probably the only man that actually hit the right buttons.
I think our emotional connection played a big part in why it felt that way.
It was passionate. The chemistry was wild.
And for once, I was really in my body during those moments.
But even though it was good, I wouldn’t feel good after.
His energy was too much. I’d feel drained afterward.
I don’t know what that was about, but honestly… dealing with him in general became emotionally exhausting.
And they say energy transfer is real during sex … after Mr. Conscious, I fully believe it.
My aunt told me,
“When you sleep with somebody, you sleeping with their problems too.”
THAT was a word.
So now, looking back…
I honestly don’t have regrets, and I won’t beat myself up about it.
But I do realize I probably could’ve just stayed abstinent this whole time I’ve been single. Like… for real, for real.
Mr. Pisces and Mr. Chocolate?
That was boredom.
Filling a void.
They were not worth unlocking the cookie for.
Now Mr. Conscious? Whew. In the moment, it felt worth it.
The connection was crazy. But the aftermath? Yeah… not so much.
That’s when it really hit me: that soul tie thing? That energy transfer stuff?
It’s real. Well …at least it is to me.
And that’s exactly what my aunt meant when she said what she said.
So here I am.
Not ashamed at all.
This journey taught me that sex without a soul connection just ain’t worth it anymore.
Well… not for me at least.
So yep, I’m back on my bid again. The cookie is on pause.
I don’t know how long this one will be… 🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes I wish God would just tap me on the shoulder when I meet a man and say:
“Yup, that’s your husband.”
Then at least I’d know, instead of wasting time unlocking the cookie for experiences that don’t deserve a soul tie or a hug. LMAOOO.
But hey lessons learned, man. Lessons learned.
Even when I slipped, I always came back to myself and asked why.
That’s what matters most to me now.
Because the truth is:
Not every man deserves access to the cookie…
And most importantly, not every man deserves the parts of me that I’m still learning how to love….
So if you’re on your own abstinence journey…
We gon’ get through this, sis.
And don’t ever feel ashamed if you unlock the cookie and it doesn’t turn out how you expected.
It’s okay … we all grown. We all slip.
And sis… while you’re on this abstinence journey?
Take the time to learn your own body too. If you know what I mean… 😏
LOL get that rose sis, get that rose.
LMAOOO. Bye y’all. See you next post.💕💕💕❤️🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾
